this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
