i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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