Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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