Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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