and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
