I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
