I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
