I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize