My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
