I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
