currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I checked into jail on foursquare
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
