omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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