Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
