drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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