Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This house was built for laser tag.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
