and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
