I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
