Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
