I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
