where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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