i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
