Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This toilet bowl is my home.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
