your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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