I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
