I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
