9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
