I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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