What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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