Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
