Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
