There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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