wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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