Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
