Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
