last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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