thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
