Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
