I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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