I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
