Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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