So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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