I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
