In the future we'll all be gay
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
