This is the prime rib incident all over again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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