I wish I could punch you in the face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
