My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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