it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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