i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
