then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
false alarm, still single
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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