3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
