dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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