we have officially lost it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
