so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
