new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
