I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
