watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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