Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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