one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
