We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
