I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
