we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
