What tipped you off? The sombrero?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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