booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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