I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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