Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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