I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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