god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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