I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
